The Ghosts Of Adulthood

Insecurities and failure
Bestowed on us, upon time
Here we encounter
The ghosts of adulthood

Casper is long gone
The demons are here
The little devils on earth
With whom we now play
We are toys to many
And slaves of our own morals
And those without any
Are free of the melancholy
And anger and despair
Free from the helplessness
Of the unfair plays
Of Satan and his children
Off our naive,
happy souls they prey
Casper is long gone now
The ghosts of adulthood will stay


The Pros of Studying In a Government College

After spending two years of my life in a government college, it has been more than a few times that I have been mocked regarding my educational institute. But little do the wanna be elites know about the privilege of studying in a government college.  After having some healthy conversations(arguments) with friends who study elsewhere, I’ve listed out 6 things all the kids studying in Private colleges have been deprived of.

1. The Unhygienic and Unnecessarily Over Prized Canteen12669118_829480627181239_2010230553_o
Is it even worth buying if it’s not expensive? This is a fact that I’m putting into exposure because I want to kill the stereotype that only poor kids study in government educational institutes. Yes, we are paying at least 3 Rs excessive for everything we eat. And we have become apathetic to the unhygienic Bun Kebabs and Rolls because they are very delicious.

2. The Gymnasium12696391_829480653847903_1710871848_o
We have proper gymnasiums with proper new sports goods. Sports goods so fine and shiny that the administration never wants them to fall in the hands of the students and preserve them for eternity(or at least till we get new donations). But the plus point is that the entire college is our gymnasium, we can play anything we want anywhere we want, until of course we are asked to attend our class. But then again, nobody cares.

3. The Popularity Factor
Have you been a nobody all your life? Well if you’re studying in a government college, it is now your time to shine! You don’t have to have expensive gadgets or a very impressive personality to have everyone’s attention. All you need to be is a regular student. Keeping in mind the number of students that attend college on a regular basis, it is guaranteed that one day you will get noticed too. Doesn’t matter if you’re a dull actor or a sportsman; you always have a chance to get in the team. Another way people pronounce this is “A figure among ciphers”. But believe they are blind to your success.

4. Easy Escape
When in school or private institutes, once you go through something embarrassing it will haunt you for the rest of your life. But the pro of studying in Government institutes is, as i repeat once again, nobody really cares. Disappear for a month and everything will be forgotten like it never happened. It is a lawless land and getting in trouble is no biggie, as you can get away with almost everything. The most that can be done in any situation is you will be asked to call your parents(take a hint).

5. The Amazing Faculty And Teachers
It is very unnecessary for you to deal with your teachers. Don’t like them? Skip their class. This is an important fact regarding the similar psychology of students and teachers. Unless you have missed out on it, your teachers hate you more. How cool is that?

6. The Struggle
Of all the things I have mentioned above, what tops the list is the struggle of surviving a government college. We learn to unite(tolerate) when they shove 60 students in one laboratory to perform a practical. We learn about history, roaming around the ancient buildings of our institute. We see real people with real mindsets and problems. Our courses and teaching methods are not fabricated like they had been in school, we see the naked truth of everything. We may be deprived of MUNs but we are yearning towards real life. MUNs are not real life, unhygienic food, rude teachers and having to do everything by yourself is real life.

12695525_829480607181241_1962430647_oGovernment colleges really have more to offer than what you think they have. We have experiences, we have a vast variety of events and students. We have rich kids and the studious ones, the bad and the good ones. We even have lesbians and stoners. We have the selfie girls and the goths, the poets and the writers too. Be it political clashes or preserving culture or religious affairs, there is always a bit of action. Our students are our only assets and representatives in any case. But the best part is that we leave college with the acknowledgement of the cruelty of life and have already survived half of it.


At the edge of the mountain, a place I dread going near to, but she being aweless as ever, dragged me to it. Looking down to the abyss, she asked me, “Do you know what’s down there?” I stepped back and replied, “Death..?” I took her hand and pulled her back to a safe ground. “Althea, we should leave now.”  She grabbed her bicycle and prepared to paddle, I sat on mine and we both rode in the same direction. Riding through the woods, the tall trees filtering the sunlight that falls on her face. Her hair that shone like pure gold, swaying as she rode across the slight winter breeze. Every sight of her is an everlasting one. It wouldn’t be the first time if I fall off my bicycle by actually not having my eyes on the road. And she would laugh and tell me to learn how to ride once and for all. Riding down the hill out from the woods, she had a vivid sight. Slowing down she shouted and spoke to me
“You’re so shamelessly gutless.” She said.
“–I’m not gutless, I just don’t want
 to die so soon.”
“What makes you think you’ll die if you go near that edge?”
-Well.. if I fall then I’ll die won’t I?
“And what makes you think that there is death down that mountain?”
“-What do you mean? What else is there?

“There could be anything…”
“Yes, Anything…”
Althea.. there was something about her. In her name, in the way she gave a glance and a blunt comment. Her prominent bold features — those sharp eyes, sly lips, she was a woman for her age yet so young and charming. And quite immature too— A masterpiece of mother nature. She was the muse of a silent moment. A letter one would write to a loved one they haven’t met for years. She was a book that held the story of a mystery. If she were on a page; she would be a poetry of rage. She was a number of things, mostly that would put you to harm.
Althea and I lived in the same town, we had known each other since childhood. We were both 17 years old. She was a day older than me, which she never skips to mention. We studied in the same school. Althea was very young when her mother died and her relations with her father were quite unhealthy. Almost everyday she stopped by my house and threw stones through my window, It was a signal to meet her in the woods; It was a signal she’s upset and needs company. She never spoke to me about anything that happened inside her house, she never spoke to anyone. But everyone knew everything because she never used makeup to hide the bruises. I’d see new markings of harm on her face every month. Once I asked her why she won’t do something about it, she gave me a critique glance, smirked and said “What makes you think I don’t do anything about it?” And that was all I needed to hear. A strong girl she was. “It just comes with being a Capricorn you see.” She always told me.
She loved asking questions. “Who?” “Why?” “Where?” “When?” And the one she uses the most “What makes you think?”. Mostly our conversations would consist of her talking about doing something stupidly risky and I doubting her decision. And then she would say “What makes you think I will not do it?”. “And what makes you think I’ll get hurt?” she said before she attempted to climb a tall tree and fell off and broke her wrist. “What makes you think I cannot finish this ice cream in one go?” and she ate it all till she had a brainfreeze and fainted. “What makes you think I will not/cannot/should not” is probably the last thing I would want to hear when I’m with her.
One fine day, at noon I heard a stone come through my Window. I peeked out and saw her ride off to the hill. I took my bicycle and rode off following her. We rode on the hill, crossed the woods and stopped at the the mountain. She sat on a rock near the edge.
“Not again, Althea…”
“-Who named you Alexander? You’re such a coward.”

“I’m not a coward.. can you just not go this near to the edge?”
“-You know why I come here?”
“Because you want to kill me?”
“-I told you there is no death across this edge. There is life.”

“Life.. you mean life after death?”
“-No I mean life after life. There could be reunion, there could be peace, maybe heaven.”
“Year 18 has made you ridiculous at thought.”
“-You remembered..”
“Like every year, love. Happy Birthday” 
I stood beside her and kept staring at the sight.
Later that day, it was almost midnight when I was in my room and I heard my window squeak open. Instead of rocks I saw Althea struggling to sneak inside. I hurried and helped her in before she fell off and someone saw her.
“Woman are you out of your mind?!”

“What if someone saw you?”
“-Oh that would be disastrous to your reputation wont it? Frankly I don’t care.” She took off her coat and hat and sat down on my bed. I took a chair and sat in front of her and watched her finish off my mid night snacks. Her legs spread and back resting on a pile of pillows. There were bruises on her face, fresh red.
“Want to talk about it?”
“-Do you know what’s so special about that mountain?”
“There is no death down there?”
“-That’s where my mother killed herself. She jumped off that edge.”
I felt a lump in my throat and kept staring at her in amazement. She was still keeping it all in. Not a single tear but I could feel her weeping from the inside. I called out to her and she came to me, wrapping her arms around me she held me tightly. I held her back and felt her sobbing. She kept crying with her face buried in my chest. She cried for a half hour and as I felt she was exhausted, I put her head down on the pillow and asked her to sleep.
“I will leave”
“To life after life...”
“-What? You’re staying here for the night okay? I’ll stay up and make sure you don’t go anywhere.”
She got up, held my face and kissed me gently. I was in awe of the moment, to feel her so close to me. The warmth of her lips was majestic bliss. It was heaven. She wished me Happy Birthday, laid back and shut her eyes. I kept staring at her. Soon after I took a pillow and slept on the floor near to the bed. She held my hand. I woke up in the morning and she was gone. I was getting late so I rushed to the school. “I will tell her how much I’m in love with her. And I’ll keep her with me forever.” I thought to myself but she did not come. I went to her house and there was nobody there. I kept waiting for her the whole day. No rocks through the window. I rested on my bed and thought about her, as I do every night. “Where are you Althea..” Thinking of her I went to sleep. It was about 5 am when I woke up with someone shaking me out of sleep.
“Althea.. What? Wha.. What are you doing here? Where were you all day? Are you okay?”
“-Alex I’m finally alive!”

“-I’ve left for life.. for reunion.. for heaven”
“You cant do that”
“-What makes you think so?”
There was a sudden knock at the door. I heard my mother call out my name. “Do not move from here okay?” I went up to the door and slightly opened it.
“Yes mother?”
“-Honey.. your friend Althea…”

“Umm.. what? what about her?”
“-The police just called. She’s dead.. she jumped off the edge of the mountain across the woods. Her father has flee the town, and..”
“-What? No! She’s alive she’s..” I looked back at the bed and there was nobody there. I looked outside the window, nobody there. Under the bed, behind the curtains. She was not here.
“Honey… are you okay? We need to go to the police station and identify her body… Alex? What happened?”
“Yes… she’s dead.”
“-No… she’s finally alive, mother.”

Mother Said You Need God

It was just another dream, I was crying. I have gone through anxiety, sadness, disappointment but never cried quite like this. I was terrified, sobbing, sulking, curled up in one corner as they approached me. They looked like Stoor Hobbits, but dressed. Small thin bodies and pale skin, a big face and round black eyes that stared at me in amusement. They kept multiplying in numbers. and I saw more and more.. with parts of their bodies missing flesh I felt like they approached me to hurt me.
I need to leave I told the one who was the closest to me. She blinked her big dry eyes and opened her mouth to speak, and as she did I smelled the odor from hell, as if the last time she ate it was raw flesh and fresh blood.
Oh but you cant. Not right now, you’re our visitor and we must take care of you. Don’t worry, you will feel like home.
She said in a small voice and I felt my brain aching. There were too many and I had no way to escape. She held my hand and said let’s go and get you something to eat. i refused to do so but she didn’t get mad. She held it tightly and said
No! You must eat.
Walking up to the dining room I could feel the others trying to touch me. Feel my skin and hair. I could feel them wanting to crawl on my body. They knew I was terrified of them and it was very normal for them. The one who held my hand lead me to the table and one by one each of them came to me with plates in their hand with very unusual dishes. Raw parts of human and animal bodies soaked in blood. I cried more and more as I saw each dish in front of me and felt my voice no more. I was crying silently, my heart beating at the highest rate. And suddenly she came, the leader. She looked at me with a familiar glare and said,
I hope we are taking good care of you. We really don’t want you to leave. Nobody comes to our home anymore
No matter how much she terrified me, I could feel she was lonely. They all were. She placed the plate in front of me and sat right next to it. It was a heart.
Isn’t it lovely? You know whats the best part? It’s a kind heart, and it will taste delicious.
And I felt my heart sinking.
Wh… Who’s heart is that?!
Oh well it’s…
Before she could complete her sentence she choked and threw up on my lap. It was red and black and it smelled like death. I got up and rushed to the outside as fast as I could. They chased me like insects.
No don’t go! We will take care of you!
I saw a car and got inside and locked it. They scratched the glass on the windows and I kept crying and they kept screaming and I kept crying and they hurdled over the car and kept scratching and screaming. And eventually I started suffocating.
I force closed my eyes and opened them. Still in the car. I did it again with more pressure and opened my eyes to a bright light, an open window letting the sunshine on my face and a curtain playing with the wind. A calm sight, and I took a deep breath and went back to sleep in ease.
Mother said I need God.

It Will Rain Tomorrow

When rain comes

You’re exhausted
And your brain is tired
Nostalgia hits too often
And drains you dry
But don’t worry darling
It will rain tomorrow

How you feel abandoned
You have been alone for too long
When it rains
The scent of wet sand
Will make you feel like home
I will hold your hand
And you can cry for as long
It will rain tomorrow

Life has been seasonal changes
One comes short
One stays too long
It’s been quite dry
The moisture will soften your heart
The pain will be gone
Don’t worry darling
It will rain tomorrow

The world in her eyes

Suffering from cold emptiness
Midst the winter sun
I saw a girl pass by
The girl with the most beautiful eyes
Misty and majestic
As blue as the most romantic shade of the sky
The shore of the purest ocean
As bright as the moon that shone the night sky
The shade of green so soothingly blended
A twinkle extracted from the galaxies above
And carefully placed inside
A little shade of gray from the wizard
Who gave her the potion of love
Of course, he must have
A stare at her eyes must have been the bribe
In the midst of the winter sun I finally felt its warmth
As she passed by and gave me a bare glance
I felt no more empty
Because I saw the girl who held the world in her eyes

Its just sickness, Khadija

I was losing myself in the war against everyone dear to me. Things had been getting out of hands. Nobody wanted me around, that was probably the situation or worse, vice versa. I needed some peace of mind. As I got up and started towards the gate I realized I have never seen this place before, these streets, the walls, this atmosphere was completely new to me yet they were familiar. Running across the houses I glared at them in slow motion, tears rolling down eyes full of amazement.
Where was I? Where am I going? I fought with someone so dear to me.. Why did I? What is happening to me.. I’ve lost all control over my body..
I walked into a house I’ve never seen before. Yet I knew I had to be here now. The house had a huge mirror in the corridor and I sat in front of it. Stop crying. I said to myself and cried some more. Suddenly I saw someone standing behind me. A woman dressed in a black dress and her dupatta tied over her head, smiling over me with gentle gray eyes. Grandma! Its you… How did you come here? You look so beautiful and happy.. Your smile is gorgeous!
And she did not utter a single word. Creased me, whipped my tears and kept smiling. And suddenly I saw another person. A man dressed in black. Smiling and coming towards me. Grandpa… You’re here too? And I cried some more as the two had me in their arms. They were silent, and I could not believe my reality. I never imagined to see you both again. But they were here and both of them looking beautiful enough to make anyone cry.
As I set my eyes on the gate I saw yet another person. An elderly with white pale skin, baggy eyes, a bright face and a smile that melts heart.
And you’re here too! I yelled with grief and bliss simultaneously. I hugged the man too tight. It was like he was someone I knew since birth.. But I did not know that man. I had seen his face for the first time yet I was in his arms as he was some sort of saviour of my soul. Are you here to take me with you? Can I come with you? Can I please? And the three nodded with a smile. They surrounded me and I closed my eyes. I felt myself floating and there was a mild pain in my body that was growing.
So this is was death feels like.. This pain is not at all unbearable. Death is nothing like what the books said it would be. I’m actually enjoying this, and once this is done I’ll be living with my grandparents. And I won’t have to see anyone else again… And I felt my words sinking in concern I won’t be able to see anyone else again… This is it.. This is the end. Everything and everyone will be lost.. Should I… Should I open my eyes? One last time maybe. One last time I’ll look at this world and then gone. Just one last time…
6:25 in the morning and I open my eyes to a mild pain in my body and tears in my eyes.
Its just sickness Khadija. Its just a dream.